26/8/25
let me out of my head

the thoughts are crippling me but i carry on
i cant keep living by staying in my own misery everyday
i have to move on

28/9/25
chaotic good. yeah right. i've wronged too many people to be good, but i kept my morals. lawful evil. i'll die with a guitly conscience but with honor

ever since i got my wisdom teeeth pulled out i've had this funny feeling
i feel like i'm in the closing years of my life even though i'm not even 17 yet

i walk with a limp. i can only eat soft food or my stomach hurts. i can feel my organs rotting inside me.
my throat always hurts. my eyes barely work. i almost get in a crash everytime i drive.
when i shower, the hot water feels like the sensation of cutting myself

12/10/35
sometimes when i wake up i'm in a pool of my own sweat and i can't cool down no matter what
today is one of those days
my arms and legs are sore as hell
i cant stop coughing

21/10/25
ive been thinking and german city does this a lot actually
i fall into a 2 week phase with a game, he sees me playing near the end of my 2 weeks, finds out it's multiplayer, and buys it.
of course since he's my friend i'll play with him for a "bit" to ease him into it.
when i play a game i usually only play for about 1 or 2 hours, sometimes 4 or 5 if it's a game i really love
when i play with him it's for 9 hours everyday until his phase ends
it would be fine if it was part of my 2 weeks but everytime he only buys it after my 2 weeks
brick rigs, gta, project zomboid, cod, and most recently terraria
Call of Duty is especially bad because if i'm just trying to kill time he'll join immediately and take my whole day.
i can only ever waste time on the ones he doesn't own. none of them except infinite warfare have good zombies
and it fucking sucks he never asks to play one of the games i like.
Helldivers, Sea of Thieves, Sniper Elite 4 and 5, and Factorio all sit in my library waiting for me alone to play them

29/10/25
i don't know what i'm waiting for
i feel like my life is stuck. i blame school. i just sit through classes on autopilot and let things pass me by.
wish i could just die already

i'm tired of buying people things under the promise they'll pay me back
they do but never in more than $1 bills
why aren't i worth more than $1
what did i do

bottom shelf is all i'll ever be

31/10/25
i'm making such a big deal out of nothing
what's wrong with me
my 2 weeks were nice but i'm back to being miserable now
Rest in Peace Sydney, Sammi, Sasha, Olive, and Sara
i'll see you there